My diagnosis sinking in and starting to write

I was really struggling with my health since my recent diagnosis of lupus (SLE). 

My joints hurt like hell. I was popping panadeine like there was no tomorrow. It didn't hardly touch the sides. I was so tired that I lived on the couch. Doing a full days work was torture. 

I started eating as I felt tired and I thought if I ate it would help! No it didn't. Instead I gained a couple of stone just like that. Hunger, pain and tiredness are so linked. I'd never been overweight before but it was starting.

I was living and working in Melbourne. Australia is a great place to live but not if you have Lupus. I was photosensitive. My face would flare up at any sun exposure. I had to walk in the shade, wear big hats and cover my skin up.

I started to think about how I was going to live with this disease. I knew that I may get ill, really really ill. Could I still do my current job longterm? I was an outreach nurse. We call them Enhanced Home Visiting. I was visiting mums with mental health issues and child protection cases. I had sleep and behaviour problems to fix in babies and toddlers. It was tough. My work was very stressful. Maybe not ideal with an auto-immune disease. Its something all Lupies have to really think about. I was good at what I did but did that really mean i should continue to 'save the world'? Or maybe I should be concentrating on saving me?

Nurses are known to be kind to others but we are not always kind to ourselves.

This was going to take some working out. I knew I really had my work cut out.

A lot of people with Lupus are high achievers, Type A personalities. We eat stress for brekkie.
But stress is toxic. Cortisol is our enemy.

http://kendraisola.blogspot.com.au/2010/03/lupus-personality.html

http://www.lupuscolorado.org/can-knowing-your-personality-type-help-improve-your-health/

So I had to get thinking. What could I do that was stress free and still allowed me to rest. My joints hurt like hell, I was exhausted. 

I love reading, cooking and baking, knitting and crochet. No none of these. I had no concentration span for any of them. And yes I crocheted this blankie for my sisters bub subsequently.

It's important to know that I have the craziest imagination ever. I was reading classics at 7 years old. I speed read, speed think and speed write.

Something told me to write. I didn't know what or how. So I just got on the computer and started with an idea. It became a paragraph, then a whole page. I gave it an outline and a plot. I looked at it and looked at it again. I had no idea where this story had come from. It was fiction. It was way out there. But it was fun and it intrigued me.

I decided to do a creative writing course in Melbourne at an evening class. It was fun and got me thinking. We had to do some writing activities in the class. The lecturer loved my stuff. It made me feel good. It gave me hope.

You HAVE to have hope. Its the one thing, the only thing that keeps you going. Love to all and big big hugs :-)

As we say in OZ 'love youse all and see y'a soon, real soon.'