How writing saved me from Lupus

G'day again, you're back. Hello, its so nice to see you. You're going to love todays blog. And I'm giving something away for FREE. 

I'm going to take you forward 3 years after all of that yuk stuff. Theres a lot of fun stuff in my life and probably more fun than not. I'm a glass is half full girl :-)

I had started writing a few years ago but got derailed by my lupus. When I'm in active disease I lose all my creativity. Just getting out of bed each day is a big ask.

Then I landed well and truly on my arse. I walked out of my job. It was either the job is going to kill me or I have to walk away. I was a nurse working in outreach, visiting child protection cases and clients with severe mental health issues. I'd had one bad child protection situation too many and I was done. Burnt out, spat out and i was empty.

So I had no choice but do 7 MONTHS of bed rest. Yes holy moly. Seven freakin' months!!! I'm very much a busy busy busy doing everything all at once girl. So for me to have to take 7 months off just freaked me. I had no money. I had no prospects but I had Simon and we had love. And I still had a brain and a mouth.

I was exercising and going to hydrotherapy twice a week. However it was the balance in my life and getting the toxic stress out of my body, through the words making their way onto the page, that made all the difference.

I belonged to a writing group of whom 2/3rds were published authors. They'd all been to Uni and done a creative writing course. I learned so much from them. They encouraged me and have made me the writer I am today.

I went to the cinema 3-4 times a week. I totally indulged my creative side. 

I had 2 cats, Tabitha & Trim who sat at my feet on the bed. It was the only place I was comfy. Pain was a big issue. I had fibromyalgia by now and was on Endep. I'd had bursitis in my hips so many times that I was walking like an old lady. Sleep was a nightmare.

So I put my laptop on my knees and put pillows all around me and I wrote furiously. And within 3 months I had written a book. A work of  adult fiction. It was loosely based on some critical incidents at work. I'd set it in Sydney. My main character has Lupus. Don't they always say to write about what you know?!! It's a Psychological thriller with some voodoo/occult themes. Yes its dark but it's true to life. You'll like the lupus bits. I really go for it, no holds barred.

I've already sold many copies on Amazon which has totally amazed me. It's now available again for FREE to download and read. You don't need a kindle. All you do is download the Kindle App onto your PC, iPad or whatever electronic device you use. And it's on special offer for the next 5 days including today.

http://www.amazon.com.au/The-Shaken-Cradle-Lena-Thompson-ebook/dp/B00G8TQCYU/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1400395493&sr=8-1&keywords=the+shaken+cradle

All I ask is that you leave me a review once you've read it. Thank you so much. It means so much. Please share this post onto Facebook, your other social groups, Pinterest, Twitter etc. 

But most of all I want all you Lupies out there to realise that anything is possible. You can do it too. And I must add a caveat that I know will make you gasp!!! Two thirds of the way through my book I had a MASSIVE BRAIN HAEMORRHAGE!!! Yes, really. It was the biggest they've seen with no deficit. I really am the cat with nine lives.

Enjoy reading the Shaken Cradle by Lena Thompson and I'll see you all again real soon XX 

Moving in and moving on and miscarriage no 5

It would have been rude to refuse such a kind offer! I'm referring to my new boyfriend, Simons' insistence that I move in with him. 

I was so 'off' men that it wasn't even funny. My trust had got up and gone. But I figured that I had to make a choice. My housemates were moving back to their respective countries. So it was either recruit new housemates and live like a perennial Bridget Jones or bite the bullet and just do it.

The litmus test was my tabby cat, Starsky. She'd taken to Simon immediately so it was a real no-brainer. When my recent blind date from a dating website had gone wrong, Starsky had pooped in the corner of Cathy's room. Yes, Starsky was one very astute cat. And Starsky was a real lady and never pooped anywhere apart from the litter tray.

So that was that. Simon said, 'Go to work, I'll pack all your stuff up, hire a van. You just go to work as per usual and when you come home it's all done and I'll look after you and Starsky.' Too good to be true? No not at all. As I said previously, I'm still there 8 and a bit years on! I told Simon all about my Lupus. Did he bolt and run for the hills? No, he didn't. He was a man and said no problem I'm here to look after you and Starsky. And he did and he has. He is a rare diamond. I owe my remission to Simon. He has believed in me and that belief has led to some amazing things.

I can't lie though. There have been a few blips (all health related) and they have been bad but I can't tell it all at once. I'm a writer. We like to string the suspense out a bit!!!

And here comes the thing that cascaded the awful events that have happened to me.

Because I was nearly 40 and Simon was 43 we decided that we should try for a baby. It was something we had both been denied in our previous marriages. I knew it was risky and knowing what I know now would I have changed my mind. No, absolutely not.

I got pregnant easily and had the usual bleeding at 5-6 weeks that had characterised my previous pregnancies. The scans were A OK so I relaxed. Ten weeks came along and I was feeling amazing. I had an inner glow.

I had no reason to think anything would go wrong once I'd got to 12 weeks. I really thought I was home and dry. I went for my 12 week scan by myself as Simon was busy at work. Within minutes of getting on the examination couch I sensed something was badly wrong. My face had suddenly become very red that morning as well. There was no feral heart. The baby was dead. My blood pressure was sky high at 170/110. I was pre-eclamptic at 12 weeks. Holy F**K.

I screamed, I sobbed. The noises coming from my body were like a wounded wild animal. I was left to cry in a corridor for ages. There were no kind words, no tissue no comfort. Just awkwardness. The Dr was embarrassed. He didn't have a clue what to do with me or what to say. I'm a midwife and I've had to work with him since. Double awkward. Every time I see him I'm taken back to this day. It's still raw.

I was on Clexane and Aspirin and Prednisolone 20mg. It didn't make any difference. I was utterly bereft. Simon was really good. He was upset too. I knew then, that this was my very last chance. I was never going to become a mum.

My job involves helping mums and dads with their babies, helping them learn to sleep, feed and develop. It's confronting. I get asked, "Do you have children?" quite often. Mostly I reply, "Unfortunately it didn't happen for me. I'd have liked a few." It leaves my clients/parents feeling awkward. Some press the point and ask, "Why" or "What happened?" How do you package it up nicely and not make them feel awkward? Its difficult. I belong to a very big family. I have 21 cousins,  most have children, several. I've become very motivated with my career. It fills a big void in me. It's also why I write. It helps.

 

I've since asked an Obstetrician/Gynaecologist why it happened. She said it most likely my very unstable lupus. So not all of you will experience such a disaster. But some of you will. I think the Lupus together with the Antiphospholipid Antibodies/syndrome were the problem.

I'm now a mad cat lady. Some people say they're my children. I don't see it that way. Cats are lovely but they're not children. They're cats.

My marriage break up & a knight in shining armour just around the corner...

Just when you think it can't get any worse! Ha famous last words...it does.

I'd started on Imuran (Azothiaprine) to try and blast my immune system into behaving itself. My life was in a toxic wilderness. My marriage was going downhill fast. My husband was so unsupportive it wasn't funny. The irony was that I was living in an emotionally abusive marriage and yet I was a nurse who empowered mothers who were going through the very same thing.

My writing was on hold. My headspace was all wrong and I had no spare spoons to do anything like write a book with.

I decided that the husband had to go. It was either do that and maybe live or keep him and maybe die. It was that bad.

Any marriage break up is awful, heartbreaking and destroys a little bit of your soul.

Little did I know what was to arrive around the corner.

When you've hit rock bottom the only way is up.

I had a great work colleague, Anna. She was a diamond. I kept all these things a secret from my other colleagues and my clients. They didn't need to know. I even kept my wedding band on my finger, removing it as soon as I left the office for the evening. I didn't need anyone asking me any difficult questions. It was hard enough keeping myself together to arrive at work and do my job. But without work I had no money and I had no family in OZ. I had no choice but to carry on.

I got so sick that my weight plummeted to 58KG which at 172cm is way too skinny.

My hair fell out. I had bald patches on my head. That was the thing I found the hardest. I'm a Leo. I have a mane. It's my crowning glory. Not now it wasn't...

One day I was doing a visit to weigh a new baby at a clients apartment. I'd got into the lift and gave my appearance the once over in the mirror. It was then that I saw a massive bald spot, shining in all its glory. I gasped in shock.

I bought scarves and headbands and tried the boho 60's/70's look. It helped but I still knew the bald spots were there.

Outside work I was just surviving. My bed was my favourite place and I'd started smoking...a lot. Probably one of the worst things I could do. I couldn't drink so it was my go to.

Eventually after a crappy Christmas and New Years Eve, spent alone and wallowing in my misery and cuddling my cat, Starsky. My cat was my life saver. She knew when I was sick and curled up on the couch and bed with me. We survived a 45C New Years Day on the couch/floor with a fan in front of us both shouting/moaning/miaowing as our thermostats had given up on us. Me because of my Reynauds', Starskys' because she has a lot of fur.

Little did I know then, but in February, a Knight in Shining armour would appear!