I was staring down the barrel at brain surgery and I preferred the idea of being shot thank you very much!

I'm back, oh yes. You can't keep a good girl down. So as I was telling you in my last blog post I'd had a massive brain haemorrhage.

Why it happened I'll never really know. It has been attributed to the fact I was on Plavix a blood thinner like aspirin but works a bit differently. I'd been to the allergy clinic and told that aspirin wasn't helpful to my gut so I needed to change meds. It made sense as aspirin was probably eroding my stomach wall and I do have reflux and gastritis.

So I fixed my food intolerances but had a brain haemorrhage...just great!!!

The day for neurosurgery had arrived and I was booked in for burr holes in my skull. For those of you who are not medical it may be a bit yukky/squeamish. It's basically where you drill 2 holes in the side of your head to relieve pressure and bleeding. I know it's pretty vile. don't think about it too much or for too long!

I got changed into my hospital theatre gown and felt like doing a runner. It was one of those moments where you think shall I? I looked at the hole in the ceiling and wondered if I should climb on through that hole and 'do one'? I've never wanted to run away so much ever in my life. The sensible part of my brain said 'no Karen you really have to do this. It's a case of do and live or don't and die. No choice at all really.'

So it was with a heavy heart that I arrived in the anaesthetic room and jumped up on the theatre bed. The anaesthetists wired my head up to an EEG. It's a special machine that monitors brain waves and tells the doctors if you're properly anaesthetised or not. It was the first time they'd used it. Gulp...

We discussed my hair and how much I liked it and please could they save it as much as possible. They talked about pigtails and plaits. It was quite funny really, surreal even. I was in an operating theatre and we were discussing hairstyles!!! It's the black sense of humour that I just love about the medical world. They dripped me and I got some good drugs and next thing I was out cold into the world of the unconscious. I actually look forward to having an anaesthetic and I've had a few in my life.

Next thing I'm awake. Zing and sat upright in recovery. I made my other half Simon come and see me. I felt unless I saw him I wouldn't know that I'd survived. Poor Simon, he hates hospitals and hates blood. I spent 24 hours in Neurosurgery ICU and was in the same bed as a famous Aussie author had been the week before. How cool is that?!

My mum flew over from England with my sister in law not knowing if I'd be OK or not. How scary. I was dressed, all drips and monitors removed and talking. Amazing. They walked in and it was as though nothing had happened except for the 4 inch scars on my skull and a tiny section of shaved hair and a hairstyle like A Flock of Seagulls!

I had the best 2 weeks after hospital. I took my mum and sister in law around all my favourite coffee shops in Sydney.

Sam drove as I was banned from driving for a month until my review. I can understand. It really takes it out of you. My brain haemorrhage had been so bad that it took 2 hours for my right hemisphere to re-inflate!!!

I can look back now though and thank my lucky stars. I'm definitely one of the very lucky ones. I escaped with all my faculties intact.
I now think...whatever doesn't kill me will make me stronger!!! And it does.

How many pills!??!!! Too bl%&*y many

G'day, you're back again. Hello and welcome. I hope your week has been kind to you and you've been kind to yourselves :-)

I'm sure at some point you've all found yourselves going, 'how many pills?!!' I know I have. And you know when you take too many pills that you are on first name terms and christmas card lists with your pharmacist!!! LOL.

One of my most hated tasks each week is the pill dispenser. Putting all those little pills into each day slot. Then there's the multi's vitamins and fish oil capsules etc. You'd think as a nurse I'd of sort of embraced it by now?! Nah, not one bit. But I do it and I pop those pills and just get on with it.

I'm on a lot less now. There's some I'll never come off. Here's my little list:

Pariet (Rabeprazole) 40mg for gastritis and reflux
Nizatidine (Tazac, Axid and Nizac) 150mg again for reflux at night time
Plaquenil 200mg daily
Folic Acid 5g the day after my lovely chemo drug, Methotrexate
Methotrexate 20mg once a week. I've been told I'll NEVER come off this. Boohoo. It makes me feel so nauseous the morning after I've taken it. But its suck it up girlfriend and stop moaning.
Endep (Amitryptilline) 50mg at night for Fibromyalgia
Herbal sleepers - Valerian and Tranquil Night from Blackmores
Panadeine Forte as needed each day, can't sleep without it

You don't realise how big your list is until you catch your family watching you taking your pills. My dad takes a pill a day for cholesterol/BP. My mum takes nothing. I was sleeping in the same bed as my sister for 3 weeks a few years ago, when I went home to England, and I kept waking her up when I took my panadeine forte, scrunching the aluminium foil pill packets!!!! How naughty!

I think us Lupies are very organised. You have to be. Drs appointments, keeping on top of your scripts, the pill stash (now in a much larger box) and doling out the pills into the weekly dispenser.

I'm sure many of you get very bored with the pills but we know how important they are to keeping us alive and well. I'm over the resistance stage and I'm at acceptance. I used to be the sort of girl who would resist a paracetamol for a headache. I look at my stash now and can hardly remember that girl. I fought the steroids and the chemo drugs. Once I gave in and admitted defeat and took them and looked at my life I started to get better. It has been a long long road. I'm there...in remission...and I'm praying that I stay there. Every little joint ache and twinge makes you aware that you can't take remission for granted. Its a lifestyle thing and I'm so very careful.

BTW I'm back to my writing and thats a big part of who I am and why I'm well.

Have a good week and I hope your pain days are few and your good sleeps are many XX