I'm two and a half years on from this little debacle. It seems quite bizarre looking back on it. For a nurse I'm really not very sensible at times with my own health. Understatement of the decade!
I'm great at telling patients/clients what to do.
Do any of you lupus people find being sick really boring? I get so sick of going to the doctors, taking my pills, blah blah blah... So when things happen I tend to ignore it, hoping it will just go away. Only thing is, it never does. I've been wheeled into hospital too many times in a state of collapse because I'd ignored the early signs - of D&V, urine and kidney infections etc. etc.
This one was the icing on my cake. I'd had headaches for 2 weeks. Not every day, but every couple of days. They weren't constant. Oh they are vile but they went. I figured I was working too much, over tired, working nights. Every excuse possible came to mind! Oh I'm good. I'd vomited twice that week, and it was projectile and immediately I felt much better. Hmmmm.
Two days before I had booked tickets for a stage show of Mary Poppins at a theatre in Sydney. I'd got great seats, a champagne and canapé selection. There was NO WAY I was missing it. NO WAY! I was ready to go, dressed up in my finery. Fifteen minutes before I was due to leave the house I vomited. Major. Did I stay at home?! No. I said to my partner, Simon, "Take me to the show my good man. Nothing is stopping me!"
So yes I went. I had a fabulous time, champagne and canapés. Oh it was just the best. Then Mary flew over the audience. It was magical. I was transported back to that 10 year old little girl watching it at the cinema for the first time. And no headache.
That night I went to work on night shift on postnatal. It started off OK but then just before my break at 3am, the headache returned. This time it was a blinder, literally. We used to sleep in a storeroom on my break on a mattress. I remember waking after half an hour and I saw a black and white dogtooth checked pattern on my NHS regulation white pillowcase. I convinced myself I was just overtired, popped 2 panadeine forte, rolled over on my other side and went back to sleep.
I finished my hours break and the headache was the worst I have ever had. Bear in mind that I had migraines in my 20's and too many hangovers to count in my teens and 20's. You get the picture. The panadeine forte had not touched the sides. So I thought to check my blood pressure. Now I was finally getting sensible. And holy mackerel it was 156 over 110. All my colleagues gasped and went a little pale. Now this is where it gets very interesting. The ward manager wouldn't even discuss it! She knew that she would have to sort out my patient load and she was in a real shitty mood, kids at home, no sleep, get the picture? So I carried on. No?! Oh yes! I finished my shift. Simon came to collect me at 7am as per usual and I said, I'm going to emergency I've got a headache and I think its really bad.
I was seen and triaged and told to sit in the waiting room despite the high BP, my history of Lupus and my headache. Seven people - all minor cases, very minor for example a ring that needed cutting off someones finger! I kid you not. They all got seen before me! I saw a doctor 5 hours later. Five frickin' hours!!! I told him that I knew something had happened and it was possibly a brain haemorrhage. Luckily he believed me and I was promptly sent off for a CT scan. I had no deficit. My neuro-obs were normal.
I'm so grateful to my nurse training and my acute sixth sense. It has saved my life so many times.
The CT scan showed up a massive right sided bleed/haemorrhage. I knew as soon as all the scan people crowded round the monitor I was fucked. I thought which do I want it to be? A tumour, a stroke or a brain haemorrhage. I settled on the brain haemorrhage as I knew it was the most fixable!!!
The doctors were very excited. I wasn't. They'd never seen a patient with such a large haemorrhage and no deficit! Now I really like my brain. My hips, my knees and in fact all my joints can quite happily be sacked. I don't even care if I lose my legs. Take them all. But my brain is rather precious. I write, I do crosswords, Its a very random eccentric thing my brain. It keeps me sane through this lupus shit. I started to panic. I'd only written two thirds of the Shaken Cradle. It may not get finished or even worse it may have a 'different voice' and not sound like me. I was terrified.
I'll complete this next week. I just love a cliff hanger. I'm a writer after all, we're allowed!!!
Till next time and as Arnie says," I'll be back and hasta la vista baby!".
